So, you’ve been in isolation for about 50-leven days and umpteen hours, and your inner freak has had it. It is now swinging in the cage you have built for it, and you find yourself unconsciously humping pillows or streaming Netflix and imagining all the characters of Hollywood without their clothes. You want to have sex!  

But… you’re scared of getting COVID-19. Or you fear getting it and then passing it on to someone because you forgot your mask on your last grocery store trip. You feel fine but are still scared the Coco (coronavirus) is lurking somewhere in your body. It probably isn’t, especially if you wash your hands, but coronavirus is changing the social landscape we were used to. 

Here is the true tea. Coronavirus, like any virus, can only be spread from one person to another. It happens to be a very easy-to-spread virus because it spreads via droplets and can live a long time on certain surfaces. Miss Rona, unfortunately, has got all of us in check for now. 

What is a horny person to do?

Well, here are some tips to help keep you healthy and quench the thirst of that randy little devil in your heart.

1. You are the first line of defense against rabid horniness.

Masturbation, toys, lubes, and the like, do not spread coronavirus. You’re in luck, too, because many sex toy businesses are having sales, and you can finally try that expensive and otherworldly slick silicone lube you’ve heard so many good things about. (Also, did you know Target sells vibrating cock rings???) 

2. Do you live with someone? Are you romantic?

It should be safe to have sex with them. Just know if you decide to have anal sex, coronavirus has been found in fecal matter of infected people. However, if you are already having sex with your roomie, you are already in close proximity, so feel free to devour those cakes if you wanna (and remember to express, affirmative, honest, conscious, voluntary, sober, and ongoing consent).

3. Do you have a tight social circle?

Do you have a small group of trustworthy people who have been self-isolating? As countries begin to ease social distancing rules, an interesting trend of creating “corona bubbles” has popped up (see what I did there…bubble…pop…nvm). A corona bubble is a preselected group of up to 4 people to safely visit and interact with during quarantine.  

These blended groups still carry some level of risk. Does every person have the same understanding of “following guidelines” as you do? Did anyone in the group go to a crowded public space to protest? Is any member an essential worker for a company that kinda/sorta/but not really provides protective equipment?

If you are considering adding people to your bubble, remember:  

1. This requires a great deal of trust and should only be open to people you know, have self-quarantined, and have not been exposed to the virus. The last thing you want is to get tricked by a trick and end up sick.
2. Wash up before and after sex. Some do, some don’t. I am not trying to yuck anyone’s yum or marsh any mallows, however, washing your hands (and other body parts) is incredibly important now more than ever.
3. Don’t have sex with a sick person. Just…don’t do that.
4. Virtual sex can be a fun alternative. Consider getting a cam or scrubbing the duct tape glue off your laptop cam and go on cam to get frisky online. A video date, with or without toys, can be exciting and soothe the hormone monster waiting to try their new twerk moves on some consenting adult. There are also virtual chat rooms and many groups on Twitter, Bands, Snapchat, and beyond to connect and quell the sexual beast. 

With all of these tips, you must be ready to take on the world or at least your hormone monster.

Please keep in mind all of the prevention methods you already know and use:

1. PrEP is 99% effective at preventing HIV.
2. Condoms help prevent almost all sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and reduce the risks for you and others. Internal or external condoms work. There are so many kinds, take this time to find your favorite.
3. You can still get tested at local clinics, and there are many online STI services available, including home HIV testing kits!
4. Outercourse is an option. You don’t have to use a condom, and there is less risk of getting an STI (skin-to-skin contact transmittable STIs like syphilis or herpes still hold risk).
5. Mutual masturbation is also a pleasurable option that leaves less to chance. Learn more about frottage.

Be careful of others and for others.

Not every site you enter will have the same security protections, so caution is a must. If you do decide to be a cyber freak, invest in a good virus and malware protection plan (like a condom for your computer!) to keep your hardware and software running optimally (wink). 

Coronavirus has made us change our normal to something so abnormal and, at times, uncomfortable. We are still human beings with desires and needs, and I hope something here helps you to fulfill those needs as safely and pleasurably as you can.